Guy refuses to hang out with leech friends after footing the bill for countless dinners, prioritizes his ‘financial boundaries’ instead of their conditional friendship

Author image for Lana DeGaetano
Lana DeGaetano • "Show me to me please."
Dec 3, 2024 5:00 PM EST

We've all been in this guy's position at one point in our lives. Your wide-eyed "friends" stare off into the distance when the restaurant bill is dropped off at the table. You wonder why you didn't request separate checks at the beginning of the feast, and now, your wallet will take the hit as a result of your dinner guests' inability to pay for themselves.

Putting your foot down when it comes to finances is easier said than done when you are also forced to realize that your friends are using you as a personal piggy bank. This realization is never fun, but it might save you a large sum of cash in the long run. Conditional friendships are not friendships at all if you really think about it, so you'll be sparing your paycheck and your mental health.

The guy in this next story explains that he's decided to stop hanging out with his friends, who tend to mooch off of him whenever they grab dinner as a group. It's one thing if he was the friend who insisted that he put his card down so he could cash in on some credit card points, but they don't even pay him back. Multiple unfulfilled Venmo requests later, the man has had enough. When he puts his foot down, he's met with some S-tier entitlement from is so-called "friends".

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    Cheezburger Image 10436205824
    via Unsplash+ (Nappy)

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

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    AITA for Refusing to Hang Out with My Friends Because I Always End Up Paying?
    via splinter_cellular
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    So, here's the deal. I (28M) live on my own and manage my bills responsibly, but money's been tight lately. My friends (let's call them Sarah, Mike, and Jake)
    via splinter_cellular
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    have been asking me to hang out frequently, and I used to go along because, hey, it's fun to unwind with your crew, right? But here's where the issue comes in.
    via splinter_cellular
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    Whenever we go out- whether it's dinner, drinks, or something casual-it seems like I'm always the one footing the bill. I don't mind chipping in or covering
    via splinter_cellular
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    for someone occasionally, but this has become a pattern. They either "forget" their wallets, claim they'll Venmo me later (spoiler: they never do), or outright assume I'll take care of it.
    via splinter_cellular
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    The last straw was a few weeks ago when we went out for dinner. They invited me, either knowing or not caring that I've been stretched thin financially. We hit up
    via splinter_cellular
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    this nice place, and they ordered appetizers, drinks, and desserts like it was their last meal. When the bill came, everyone just sat there, awkwardly staring at it. Guess who had to step in?
    via splinter_cellular
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    I paid because I didn't want to cause a scene, but I felt pretty resentful afterward. When I gently brought it up later, they brushed it off, saying, "It's no big deal," or that I'm "better off" financially (not true).
    via splinter_cellular
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    Fast forward to now: they've been asking me to hang out again, and I've been declining. I don't want to keep paying for everything or feel like the "bank" in the group. I
    via splinter_cellular
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    tried explaining how I feel, but they accuse me of being stingy or not wanting to spend time with them.
    via splinter_cellular
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    AITA for saying no and prioritizing my financial boundaries, even if it means distancing myself from them?
    via splinter_cellular
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    xmoooon • 3h ago NTA. They're mooching off you and gaslighting you into thinking it's your fault. Real friends don't treat you like their personal ATM. Protect your wallet and your peace, girl.
    via xmoooon
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    damandg1 . 41m ago. Protect yourself from toxic, gaslighting people like they are. You can see that what they're doing is working since you're questioning yourself... it's an addiction to satisfy toxic people, but in this stage, you have a choice, make the right one and run!
    via damandg1
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    fireisbeautiful • 3h ago . NTA, they are not your friends they are using you, but before you cut contact, you should do the same to them, no? Go to an expensive restaurant and before desert, excuse yourself and ditch
    via fireisbeautiful
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    chibble... • 3h ago. When you sit down, just tell the server you'll be having separate bills.
    via chibbledibs
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    sfrancisch5842 3h ago • • Tell them you will hang out with them when the reimburse you. And send them a bill. These people are friends. They are users. You worked hard to get to where you are. You deserve better. Find new friends. NTA
    via sfrancisch5842
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    LumiSolstice · 3h ago • NTA, your wallet isn't an ATM. If they can order like. they're on 'My Super Sweet 16,' they can split the bill like adults. Set those boundaries, and if they can't hang without your cash, they ain't your crew.
    via LumiSolstice
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    NoirFerithia 2h ago Totally NTA. I've been there, and it's exhausting. Real friends don't use you like that. Prioritize yourself.
    via NoirFerithia
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    Cheezburger Image 10436210688
    via 425565

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